Today, I’ve got something new to think about as the day my virginity auction approaches.
I am probably going to be asked this a lot, time and time again and usually by somebody judgmental “aren’t you scared to lose your virginity to a complete stranger?” I try my best to always answer truthfully, no, but I usually don’t bother to point out one giant oversight on the part of the questioner. And that is that a part of this experience does actually make me want to crawl under my bed covers for good.
That part that really physically terrifies me (I had a nightmare about this back in 1994 when I was in the sixth grade, which is the reason for this post), is the thought of posting a nude picture of myself for all to see would create backlash and ridicule. And before you jump on this as an opportunity to prove some point, let me clarify that it is not because as a transgendered woman I am ashamed, fearing jail time (and it may be true about what they say about turning first-time offenders into hardened criminals), worry no one will ever love me because I am trans, or other such BS. I fear this outcome because of primarily one reason – Society. More specifically, the majority of the LGBT community that feels entitled to loudly comment on how others conduct their lives, or do worse. I truly fear and only fear the swift and brutal social backlash that would (if not has already happened) follow my outing, even though it is a backlash I sincerely believe no one has the right to deliver.
For similar reasons, I find it very ironic when someone tells me and I first heard this when I attempted to come out to my mother as a transgender woman in 1994 (but couldn’t bring myself to do so at the time), with hope in their voice (especially my mother’s voice), “you are going to regret this.” Because I might regret this 20 years from now, but it will not be because I made a bunch of money off of something I won’t even miss. It will be because of the cruelty, entitlement, and self-righteousness of the people making such comments. They pose a real threat, as opposed to the so-called “physical and mental trauma” of losing my virginity willingly and on my terms (and years after most have had this experience).
So, think about it. If you were a transgendered woman in my position, what would you be terrified of? Deny it all you want, but it would be the same. If you happen to be one of the commentators I mentioned, or of similar mind, I suggest you think about this even more. You may think you are helping, but take it from me you really are not. Alternatively, you may be validating yourself, but you are still the same self-absorbed a**ehole. If you think about it, you are not as good as you think you are. And, without question, you are way out of line.
I absolutely love this post because I am more certain than ever that this experience will make me an exceedingly better than in years past! Here are just some of the ways how:
- I know first hand the sting of hateful, pitying, or righteous judgments. I also have learned that judgments never take 100 percent of the full story into consideration, and they are never ever productive. I will never judge anyone again. So future fans, lay it on me! Present friends and fans of mine, feel free to slam me and I won’t blame you one f**kin’ bit.
- Likewise, I will approach all with the extra empathy that I have acquired through this experience.
- I have learned to respect everyone’s humanity, even if you cannot manage to understand them (lord knows most people do not understand me, if not already because of my trans status).
- I have become quite the enthusiast for both thinking and acting outside of the box. What leads to greater progress?
- I have become incredibly efficient and effective at my tasks – it has not always has been easy juggling my job with Vote for the Girls, home life (which has taken a big hit since February 2014), and this auction, but this trans girl 31 years of age does what she needs to do.
- I have found new causes that I care passionately about – sexual health and sexual freedom, and the health and rights of sex workers — especially transgendered women like myself. It is true you care the most about what affects you personally, or about things that are a part of your experiences. Nothing has ever gotten me as worked up as these issues do, and I get worked up over social issues a lot! A clear example is Vote for the Girls USA.
Will there be a downside? Absolutely, should this get out in the press. It is very possible some uppity clerks and waitresses will deem me not good enough for them. But the truth is I have never been very concerned about reaching this type of person – they most likely will have other options, and if they don’t they will quickly find a way to get over my “indiscretion”. No, instead I more interested in with an unmet need for action. So, I myself do not see see a worthy downside (besides jail time or paying a fine to Indiana Governor Mike Pence, and if I play my cards right, I think I will most likely do the sex act in a hotel in Nevada where prostitution is legal except in Las Vegas, Reno, Carson City).
Afterthought (an important one): The same applies for the widespread stigma that surrounds all sex work among transgendered women like myself. We are such an insincere culture on this topic. We claim to care and know what’s best for sex workers (setting aside the fact that this is condescending to begin with), and then we take such pleasure in calling them whores, gossiping about them, shunning them, and denying them their humanity.
Also, FYI, hopefully I will be back with another update next week since I am busy with my site Vote for the Girls. Oh, and by the way, another transgender woman in the UK named Melissa attempted the same virginity auction, but did not go through with this. So I think I have a damn good shot at becoming the very first transgender woman ever to have sold her virginity (and did so for the final time as a biological male.)
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